tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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