Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
foreskin is a definite game changer
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Randomize
