you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
