how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
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