Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
