it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
