So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
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