I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
