covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
