I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
