i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Randomize
