were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
