What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
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