i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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