I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
