i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
