it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
