I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
