So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Floor bacon is actually really good
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
