Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
