I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Randomize
