Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
love makes seman taste better
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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