Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
