I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
