I got chris browned last night
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
