I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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