Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Randomize
