We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
