I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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