i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
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