It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I think a kid would responsible me up
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
