Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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