so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
