JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
