sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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