there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
