i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
