I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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