I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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