Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
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