I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
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