I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
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