Swine flu. Run for my life!
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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