Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
