gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
