She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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