I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
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Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
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would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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