I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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