Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
