i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
