Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
