If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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