A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
