Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
