So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
