Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
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