I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
