do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
