I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
