After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
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