thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
