No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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