you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
