I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Randomize
