Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
