My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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