Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Randomize
