You're my little dorito
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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