She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
