I'd wear matching sweaters with you
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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