I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
this will be a night to untag.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
