She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
