You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
