they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Randomize