so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
