she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
