i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
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walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
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It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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