I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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